This month, I’m taking a break from the regularly scheduled programming to share a little reflection on the year that was. Happy new year and thank you for being here!
2023 has been an exceedingly difficult year, marked as it was by the passing of my younger brother Pradheep. He was 36 and my only sibling. Nothing prepares you for losing someone you love. Nor for the pause in your heartbeat when someone asks if you have any brothers or sisters. Wherever he is, I hope it’s a better place. I sure as hell wish he were still in this one though. I wish that things were different. I’m also learning - more each day - to accept with grace that they weren’t. To all those who are also facing grief, I am with you.
Navigating this with my son Rohan has also been very hard. Grief is difficult for anyone, but it hits different for a 10-year old with a big heart and a sensitive soul. This in combination with some other challenges made it a difficult year, even if it a was a pretty special one too (getting to visit his birthplace of Bangkok + India, for example). But Rohan has shown such resilience, growth and empathy throughout it all. I’m constantly in awe of the fact that I get to be the one to mother and guide this extraordinary young being. I question all the time if I’m doing it well, but I guess this is an eternal question. In any case, I give thanks!
Speaking of giving thanks, I wouldn’t have made it through this year without the support of Rohan’s dad, my ex-husband Luis. We don’t have a traditional co-parenting arrangement, but he was the one who took care of both of us this year, when I didn’t have the strength or energy to do it myself. I’m forever grateful and feel blessed to discover that love, even if it changes, can endure.
Unfortunately, I also learned this year that not all friendships or connections are meant to last. That was an uncomfortable lesson but one that I needed to understand. At the same time, it was also a season for new and deepened friendships, which have been such a source of joy and light! I also feel so much appreciation for those friends and family for whom I haven’t been there for during these largely tough days. Thanks for letting me be and giving me grace, knowing that you’re there.
And…difficult as this year was, it was also filled with so many high moments. Buying my first home and participating in the Calabash Literary Festival in Treasure Beach were the definitive highlights. On the home, I felt instant alignment upon walking in for the first time. I feel lucky to have such a sanctuary. And Calabash…well it was next level! I can honestly say that it was DEFINITELY the most high-vibration thing I’ve ever done. Reading in that open mic felt like levitating to another plane. I still don’t really have the words actually…
On the work front, it’s been an interesting year. I feel blessed to do something that is hopefully contributing a little something to make the world better. It’s hard to believe in sometimes though when said world seems to be coming apart at the seems. Yet the universe that I have the privilege of working and traveling in (this year, it took me to Sierra Leone, Madagascar, Zambia and Brazil) - shows me every day that we’re all pretty much the damn same, fundamentally. I hope that in 2024, we move closer to living that truth. I’m too jaded to really believe it anymore yet I choose to anyway, because that’s what bringing up a child in this world requires.
As we close the year, I’m ever more grateful for the blessings of word and expression for being able to make sense of it all. Penning poetry and writing this newsletter have been such a significant source of my being, and I am infinitely grateful for your reading and being here in this journey (or just for reading this little reflection). In any case, I have lots of ideas for possible new directions for 44 Revolutions, so stay tuned! My word for 2023 was Evolution. With all the twists and turns of this year, I’d like to think that I moved in that general direction. But I also know that the journey continues, and that I have more evolving to do as a human.
So as we welcome 2024, I wish us all continued Evolution- to health, luck and blessings, more grace and healing, doing the hard things that will make us better and generally moving in the direction that we want to be. Mostly I wish for more love for us all, because it’s the fuel that fires our hearts and without it, nothing is possible.
Happy 2024 to all!
With love and light,
Ramya
Loved reading this Ramya! And seeing you living and breathing your essence despite the many challenges you faced ✨